Gettysburg resident Mike Chandler has lived with military PTSD all of his life. First, as a little boy, he saw his father struggle with it. Now, as an adult with children of his own, he himself is struggling with it.
In an effort to help others better understand the impact of PTSD on those who suffer from it as well as those who love them, Chandler has written a children’s book, “Daddy’s Invisible Ouchy: A Kiwi and Beth Story.”
“It’s informed a lot by not only my kids and their experience and trying to put myself in their shoes, but also growing up with it,” says Chandler. “So, this is a way to deal with it in the family and put it into perspective for a child.”
The father of three says that the book’s main character, a little girl named Beth, is a “conglomerate” of all of his children. With the help of her mother, Beth begins to learn why her father is sad and angry sometimes. “He has an invisible ouchy,” explains her mother in the book. “He got it in a war fighting to protect good people in our country.”
The little girl is eager to help heal her father in her childlike way. Using her imagination and working with her friend Timmy, she constructs a homemade Purple Heart for her daddy and his invisible ouchy. The medal is presented to her father in a moment that is both moving and hopeful with the family then going out to celebrate with ice cream.
“She is a hero in this story,” says Chandler. “Beth has a very optimistic viewpoint. She has normal child vulnerabilities. She is worried about herself being the cause of this pain. But, she is also willing to look and consider and hope that there’s something she can do.”
While Chandler has other published works, this is his first children’s book. He goes by Yngwie F. Storm for the children’s book and M. Chandler for his other works.
Chandler comes from a family with strong ties to the military. His father served in WWII, the Korean War, and was badly injured in the Vietnam War, and his grandmother was a nurse during WWI. Chandler says his father’s PTSD was never treated.
“My father was an angry man,” says Chandler, who grew up in Hawaii. “There was a lot of violence in my childhood. I managed to emerge from that as a more or less marginally functioning adult. But then I entered the military.”
Chandler, over his 20-plus-year career, served in all three branches of the military – Navy, Army, and Air Force – and did intelligence work. His combat experience in such places as Iraq and Afghanistan had a lasting effect on him.
And he is not alone. According to the National Center for PTSD, seven out of every 100 veterans will have PTSD at some point in their lives.
Many veterans, says Chandler, who has also worked as a writer and editor with the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, are hesitant to ask for help. When Chandler began to struggle, he tried to ignore it. “We hide behind our muscles,” he says of himself and his fellow soldiers.
But his psychological demons kept tormenting him. He and his second wife, the mother of his three children, would eventually divorce and he was estranged for a bit from the children he loves.
“It was really starting to fall apart because the trauma was exploding,” he says. “I was coming to the end of my career, and it was really compounding. At that point, I had been in combat several times and seen where people were killed horribly in horrible ways. I wasn’t dealing with it very well.”
He suffered from nightmares, isolated himself, and developed an issue with alcohol. “You’re trying to find a way to sleep because otherwise you’re up at night pacing,” he says of his drinking.
At times, he admits he was suicidal.
That’s when he decided to get help and began therapy. Today, over a decade later, he still struggles, but he remains determined. He has, in fact, reconnected with his children, all teenagers now. “Our relationship has gotten healthy and mended and strong,” he says. “I’m in a better place now. I’m much, much happier.”
Adding, “PTSD doesn’t make us monsters. We can still be good parents. We can still be good husbands and wives. We can still be good people. We just need a little bit of understanding. A little bit of help explaining it.”
Writing “Daddy’s Invisible Ouchy” has proven to be incredibly therapeutic for him. “When I finished it, I just felt so good,” he says, “I felt like I could move forward and look forward instead of backwards.”
Now he hopes the book will help others. “Healing is possible,” he says.
The book is available for purchase at https://store.bookbaby.com/book/daddys-invisible-ouchy.
Featured image photo by Rick Gregory
Lisa Gregory is an experienced journalist whose articles have appeared in publications nationally and internationally including the Washington Post and U.S. News and World Report. She is also a frequent contributor to Frederick Magazine, Hagerstown Magazine and Carroll Magazine, among others. A published author of fiction, she has short stories in the books, “For the Love of Gettysburg” and “On Hallowed Ground.”