The time we spend reliving a bad experience, beating ourselves up for a past mistake, or mulling over the past with regret is time wasted. After all, we can’t undo the past. What’s done is what’s done. Once we’ve learned the lesson a particular situation brought with it, it is time to let it go. No amount of self-flagellation, shame, or blame can change what is past. Our yesterdays have little impact aside from the lessons these past experiences sought to teach us or the ways we choose to drag the past into the present by going over and over something in our minds. Regrets and self-condemnation do nothing except erode our self-confidence and destroy our desire to develop a balanced view of ourselves.
Regrets have their place, of course, especially when they become the impetus to do better, to make amends, and to change our habits and choices. But dwelling on the past just to dwell on past regrets is an utter waste of time. In fact, the more we relive a bad experience, the deeper the wound we create. Our “if onlys” will vanish as we seek to stay in the present and work our program one day at a time.
A good way to start each day is with gratitude and prayer – praying only for God’s will for our lives and the courage to carry that out. Regrets will vanish when we focus on this moment, on what I can do right now or how I can make better choices. It’s also important to set realistic expectations for ourselves…taking on only as much as we can realistically accomplish today without rushing or creating anxiety.
There is so much wisdom in the opening statement of AA’s “Just For Today.” “Just for today, I will live through this one day only and not tackle all my problems at once. Those of the past need not concern me today. Future ones can be faced as they arise.”