Fear and courage

One of the unspoken realities of any serious illness is fear.  Fear of dying,  Fear of being helpless.  Fear of the unknown.   Fear of not getting better.  Fear of pain.   Even when we convince ourselves that we are not afraid, fear lurks in the dark corners of our minds.  It burrows into the recesses of

Courage

Courage is fear saying its prayers.  We tend to think of courage as the absence of fear, the empowerment of conviction, bravery, etc.  But real courage is acting in the face of fear, taking a stand when overcome with fear..  It takes courage to confront our addictions when our addictions have so completely taken our

Confronting reality

Confronting reality, I’m rereading Louise Penny’s novels, and I just finished A Trick of the Light.  I found this one especially interesting as the plot addresses a basic question. “Can people change?” and weaves together information about the art world and AA and partially answers the question, “Can people change?”.  At one point in the

Expectations

Expectations.   Expectations are good.  Expectations keep us motivated and growing.  Expectations keep us from settling for less than we deserve.  With one caveat.  We dare not become too invested in the ultimate outcome of our expectations.  It’s one thing to have expectations; it’s another thing to get angry when things work out differently than

Just for today

The time we spend reliving a bad experience, beating ourselves up for a past mistake, or mulling over the past with regret is time wasted.  After all, we can’t undo the past.  What’s done is what’s done.  Once we’ve learned the lesson a particular situation brought with it, it is time to let it go. 

Acceptance

Acceptance opens the door to almost everything in life.  So much of our suffering stems from our refusal to accept what already is…not as fatalism and apathy… but as an opportunity for change.  That’s why Step One of the 12 steps states: “admitted we are powerless over drugs and alcohol (insert your current situation or

Self care

 Just back from a trip South to visit family, I find my inbox filled with questions as to why I’ve stopped blogging.  I haven’t stopped;  I just took some time off to rest and relax in the arms of my family.  Interestingly enough, one of our many topics of conversation was gratitude!  It seems that

Gratitude

It’s raining and cold, a good day to practice gratitude.  These are the days I am aware of those who are homeless, those living in shelters or motel rooms, and those who do not experience the same benefits I do.  Gratitude is not a replacement for helping others, but gratitude opens the door to all

One day at a time

Our daughter is getting solar panels installed on her roof today.  I wish I could put solar panels on my roof, but that’s against our association’s rules.  My response to their “no” is helping our daughter put solar panels on hers.  Once again, I was reminded that it’s not necessarily the big things that bring

Detaching

 We can choose our choices but not the outcomes.  That’s a problem for us control freaks.  We want absolute control, guaranteed outcomes before we take any risks, but of course, that’s not possible. No matter how much we plan, the ultimate outcome is beyond our control.  I remember taking the challenge in one of my

Attitudes and habits

We humans are like sponges; we soak up all the ideas, impressions, prejudices, and affirmations of those around us. Consequently, it is our perceptions that form our reality, not what is or has happened.  Given our environment is critically important in shaping who we are, we may need to change our people, places, and things

Unplugged

The washing machine isn’t working.  The tub is full of water and wet clothes, but the agitator refuses to agitate.  This happened several years ago.  “Unplug it,” my husband said,  “Let it reset.”   So, that’s what I’ve done.   I’m hoping for the best,  as I just bought a new dishwasher last week.  It, too, had

Caste

We went to see Origins yesterday – which I am still trying to process.  It’s so easy to automatically assume that everyone’s experience is similar to ours, but for many,  their world looks very different from mine as a middle-class white woman.  In fact, it’s almost impossible for me to imagine what life is like

More with less

Last evening, my daughter and I watched the documentary “My Octopus Teacher.”   What an amazing experience.  As a result, I’ve been thinking about all of the ways we humans mistreat our environment and the ways we have chosen to misrepresent the Genesis passage by claiming that God instructed us to dominate, use, and misuse

Acceptance is step one

Age comes with its pluses and minuses.  So far, I have far more in the plus column than in the minus side, I’m happy to report.  Having practiced gratitude for many years, I can usually find something positive in every experience, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle at times.  Having been an avid reader

Dress for stress

We have far more control over our thoughts and feelings than we may want to admit.  Granted, life has this way of taking over our thoughts,  but we can teach ourselves to respond differently if we are willing to do the work of reprogramming our brains.  After all, it is not what happens that deeply

Happiness and health

As life speeds by me in my geriatric slow lane,  I am grateful to have old and trusted companions to come along with me.  I’m still walking most days.  I still do my own light housework.  I still sew and hand quilt, though some blocks’ corners don’t quite jibe as well as they once did.

One day at a time

It’s the start of a new year.  I haven’t made any new resolutions as I have enough left over from the past.  You know, the generic resolutions that never go out of date. Walk more.  Eat better.  Get more sleep. Practice gratitude.  Do at least one good deed per day.  Be more accepting, more generous. 

The challenge of working together

This past week I wrote several blogs about Christmas movies.  Evenings when I am home alone I often quilt and watch TV.  So many of our TV programs glorify the worst of humanity, the darkness, hate, fear, and anxiety that is so prevalent everywhere.  Christmas movies make a nice change from who done-its, even if

Something bigger

There was a time when I thought I had to think big when making my life bucket list,  but no more.  Now, my bucket list is made up of those little things that I had previously thought I was too busy to do . . like ringing the bell for the Salvation Army.  The other

Questions

 We humans don’t do well with pain and discomfort…hence many of our God questions.  After all, our greatest questions center around the issues of pain, evil, and suffering.  But when read without all the decorations, soft music, and tinsel, these are the things that define the Christmas story.  Come Christmas Eve, many of us will

Compassion

The older I get, the more I seem to fall into a daily routine.  Get up, get dressed, make coffee, and read…generally meditational reading, which often inspires me when it’s time to blog.  Sometimes, I blog before walking, but most times, my friend and I walk before I settle in for my second mediational period

Acceptance, perception, thanksgiving

Jesus tells the story of the woman who lost one of her dowry coins and turns her house upside down to find it.  When she finally discovers it, she goes to all of her friends and neighbors to share her joy in finding the lost coin.  Yesterday was a beautiful,  clear,  crisp Central Pa. morning. 

Cooperation

I worked at the polls last week. Because so few people are volunteering these days, we had the bare minimum working in our precinct,  but ours is a small one,  so it wasn’t a problem.  It was a long day, however.  We worked from 6 am to after 9 pm before we were able to

Envy

A  Buddhist teaching says that what causes suffering in life is the general pattern of how we relate with others – as in envy toward those above, competitiveness toward those who are equals, and contempt for anyone below us.  It is so easy to blame the victims of life.  It’s been said that if you

Happiness is a choice

I awoke eager to start my day.  After making my first cup of coffee I sat down, made a to-do list for today, then settled in with the morning paper.   Still no Speaker of the House given the insanity of the MAGA maniacs.  A mass shooting in Maine.  What is happening to our beloved country?

Fear

Reading in The Book of Joy this morning, the chapter was about fear, how it is a natural response but also how we can better respond to our fears so they do not control us.  As I read,  I found myself thinking about a friend who is dealing with terminal cancer.  She’s reached the point

Honesty

Last evening I discovered a series on Acorn called The Dry.  It is about an alcoholic woman who tries to stay sober in Dublin, Ireland, while surrounded by a hard-drinking family and friends.  As she struggles to maintain her sobriety, her sponsor is this hard-as-nails, no-nonsense woman who constantly hammers away at the importance of

Relationship

Another beautiful day in South Central PA, the kind of Indian summer weather that draws one outdoors and invites happy thoughts and spontaneous bursts of gratitude!   Even so, I struggle to stay focused on this present moment.  Perhaps it’s as someone once observed, “Growth means change, and change involves risk, stepping from the known to

Sacrifice

Addiction is a physical, psychological, and spiritual disease that is as deadly as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes.  Addictions create devastating emotional, spiritual, and physical traumas that can lead to intense suffering and death. Yet, until we are willing to admit that we, as a nation, are addicted to power, greed, and control,  our democratic

Today is a day for gratitude

It was one of those mornings when everything I tried to do required an extra step or needed something I didn’t have.  Instead of getting overly upset (it was tempting, as an occasional pity party can be satisfying), I went for my gratitude box.  The first card I picked up read:  “Give thanks for unknown

Logs and splinters

Step 9 is all about making amends (forgiveness), but before we can make amends (forgive)in a meaningful way, we have to work our way through steps 6,7 and 8. It is rarely appropriate to do something or take a stand without doing our necessary preparatory work.  We not only have to become willing to work

Good Samaritans

Deep into another WWII novel and Jim Wallis’ Christ in Crisis, I experienced a spontaneous burst of gratitude this morning.  With fall in the wings,  the nights are cooling down.  The daylight hours are growing noticeably shorter,  and this morning, there is a nip in the air.  Since my friend called to say she couldn’t walk,

It’s a lovely day

It feels like fall this morning; still pleasantly warm, but there’s a different feel to the air.  The seasons are slowly changing.  August will soon be over.  Kids are back in school.  Buses add minutes to morning and afternoon commutes.    I’m so grateful Mother Nature is trying to keep us on schedule.  I grieve for

Love as compassion and justice

Bishop Curry says in the appendix of Love Is The Way, “So much of what is happening in the world does not look like love.  If we go through life letting external forces – our news feeds, our acquaintances, our Google calendar – determine how our days are spent and our contributions measured, we know

Remembering

 We said goodbye to Ruthie on Saturday.  Such a joyous memorial service filled with joyful black music, stories,  and laughter!   Ruthie joined our family in 1969 as a confused and suicidal teenager, angry at the world and life.  Over the years, she entered and reentered our lives, sometimes being affectionate and loving, others angry

To thine own self be true

 I came back from Physical Therapy hungry and tired.  A cup of coffee and two pieces of toast later, I sat down to blog.  Not feeling inspired,  I grabbed an Al-Anon meditation book and read five different entries.  Interestingly enough, they are all related to assuming responsibility for our own thoughts and actions rather than

Improving ourselves

I didn’t have enough time to really start something before I went to PT, so I grabbed Bishop Curry’s book Love Is the Way and read:  “You can be intentional about the stories you tell as well in the stories you consume.  Examine which stories are taking your time and attention.  If you’re only getting

It only takes a spark

Sunday, sang several songs/hymns that have had a lot of meaning for me, among them “It Only Takes A Spark.”  All afternoon, the tune and words ran through my mind, reminding me that it only takes a spark to make a difference in so many areas of life.  Kindness, you see, is contagious.  So is

Mindfulness

We hear a lot about mindfulness these days.  I’m not really sure what that means, but it reminds me of the program’s emphasis on living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.  I also understand it is finding ways to turn off my monkey brains and becoming aware of what’s around

Acceptance and Courage

There are those books that you simply can’t put down until you get to the ending, Louise Penny’s novels, for instance. Then there are those books that are so meaty that you can only digest a few pages at a time.  Last evening I sat down with Bishop Curry.  If this black man can speak

Today is the day

Today is a day for gratitude.  Following morning worship yesterday, we came home and got lunch. When I opened the freezer to get ice cream for dessert, I discovered everything was partially thawed. The fridge had died!  What followed was a mad scramble to rescue as much food as possible. Fortunately, I had a partially

Patience

 A number of my recent blogs have asked the question, “What’s the point of even trying when the whole world seems to be spinning out of control?”  Consequently, I should not have been surprised to have Bishop Curry speak to these issues when I sat down to read Love is the Way.   Instead of

Agape love

My musical friend was talking about the songs she loves, which made me aware of the limits language puts on our reactions and perceptions of life.  While English has only one word for love, other languages may have a variety of words to describe a wide range of feelings, reactions,  and understandings that we lump

Stumbling blocks?

Somebody once said there is no difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones aside from the way we use them.  Life has taught me that while one can put a stumbling block in my way, I am the one who decides whether I am going to use those stones to get ahead in life.  The older

Thoughtfulness

It’s easy to fall into the habit of simply mouthing the words to familiar Scripture verses, slogans,  or prayers such as The Lord’s Prayer or The Serenity Prayer instead of carefully pondering the words.  When I really think about what I’m praying, I often find one special phrase jumps out, such as “accept the things

What is important?

“The point isn’t to make a fortune.  The point is to know what’s enough.  To be happy.” says one of the characters in Louise Penny’s The Brutal Telling.  I suspect we all recognize the wisdom in that statement, but how many of us are willing to really discern when our enough is enough and then act on

Praise and thanksgiving

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.“  (Thorton Wilder)   I gaze out the window. The sun is shining after days of pounding rain.  I am grateful for days of gloom as our Mother Earth needed a long refreshing drink.  Yet I am very

Thoughts to ponder

A number of you commented on my recent blog about detoxing our brains.   Here are some additional concepts and thoughts that may help you detox from negative self-directed messages.  They’ve certainly got me thinking about the many ways I create problems for myself. –What they say about me says a lot more about them

Worry

  “It’s not the answers you get but the questions you ask, that’s all important,” my dad used to tell me.  He was convinced that it’s in framing our questions that we begin to define the various components making up an issue or problem. I thought of Dad this morning when I read one of the

Commitment

As news cycle follows news cycle, I find special meaning in a line from The Little Prince.   “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret.  It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.  What is essential is invisible to the eye.“   Is that why we humans find working together so

Grateful for gratitude

With Spring in the air,  it is becoming easier to focus on gratitude.  Spring in Adams County is something to behold! Gratitude, you see,  is good for my mental health.  It’s good for my shattered soul, and it’s keeping me physically healthy.  The Psalms, one of the most popular books of all time, is filled

Routines

I was reminded last week that I am a grateful creature of habit.  I  have some fairly fixed routines that help me enjoy each day.  I sleep until about 7:30 each morning, get up, have my coffee, walk with my friend, eat breakfast, blog and do what household chores there are to do.  Then and

Letting go

What are we to do when we become world-weary?  Overwhelmed by bad news?  Discouraged that the bad guys just keep avoiding any serious consequences?  Feel everything is too much trouble that nothing seems to make any difference?  When such feelings take over, I am reminded of a story we Mennonites like to tell about Orrie

Self-Talk

Positive thinking goes nowhere unless it is followed by action. That’s precisely why we say the road to hell is paved by good intentions.  Meaning to do something and actually doing it are two very different things.  Most of us are procrastinators, one of those character flaws many of us humbly ask God to remove

Self care and self acceptance

Self-acceptance and care are much easier to talk about than to practice.  It’s so easy to push our basic physical and emotional needs to the side because most of us grew up being told it is important to put others first; that pride in self and self-confidence is somehow sinful.  Yet self-negation, self-pity and viewing

Codependency

Over the years,   I have read many definitions of codependency.  All relate in some way to discounting our own needs and feelings and looking to others to validate and make us happy.   After all, we live our lives in relationship to others, our environment, our culture, and our jobs, so why wouldn’t we

Self Care

I locked myself out of my house the other day.  I wanted to give my new neighbor a key since we were going away for a week,  so I grabbed a fistful of keys,  stepped outside to make sure I had the right key, and….  You guessed it!  I locked myself out!   Fortunately, it

The ultimate revenge

 I’m a great one for shoveling clutter into drawers and closets,  but that just means going through every paper and envelope when I’m looking for something specific.   I didn’t find the address I’d been looking for this morning, but I did discover a scrap of paper with a scribbled quote.  “Resentment must give way

Gratitude…again and again

Today Is a day for gratitude.  In fact, every day is a day for gratitude.  Since now is all I’ll ever have, this moment is the only moment I have for which to be grateful.  And I am grateful. Extremely grateful.   Just having returned from sharing breakfast with a friend, I am very aware that

Agreeing to disagree

 Sometimes we gut react to a situation, impulsively decide to take a risk, to speak out, take a stand.  I think of my quiet, introverted, shy husband who decided after 9/11 that declaring war on Iraq was not the appropriate way to respond to those horrendous events.   Crippled with rheumatoid arthritis, in constant pain,

Little things mean a lot

It’s one of those dark rainy winter days for which I am profoundly thankful.  With so many areas of the world suffering from drought, we here in south central Pennsylvania are much blessed.  So far, we’ve been spared many of the extremes in rainfall, temperature,  and storms that have been devastating others.  The effects of

Shine brightly

Mary Davis has a simple formula for happiness.  “Shine brightly.  See beauty.  Speak kindly.  Create joyfully.  Live thankfully.”  If there was ever a time for adopting her formula it is now.  I’m no Pollyanna, but I discovered long ago that negative thinking sets me up for unhappiness and failure.  In fact, viewing everything through a

Being connected

“Modern American culture is fairly empty of any suggestions that one’s relationship with the land, to consumption and food, is a religious matter.  But it’s true; the decision to attend to the health of one’s habitat and food chain is a spiritual choice.  It’s also a political choice, a scientific one, a personal and a

A prayer for the new year

Somehow  a year has flashed by, reminding me of a story in which a great  king challenged his subjects to create works of art depicting their ideas of  peace.   Paintings flowed into the castle.  Beautiful pastoral scenes.  Pictures of smiling babies, children playing.  Grazing animals, flowing streams, fields of flowers.  Yet the picture that

Adversity

With winter’s dark stay-inside days, I’ve been reading feel-good books and watching Christmas movies.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with escaping into once-upon-a-time and what-if moments.  That’s part of self-care.  Besides, it’s the rare book or movie that doesn’t have some insight tucked inside the story.  That happened with Richard Paul Evans’ Finding Noel when several quotes

Habits

Attitudes, it’s been said, are simply deeply entrenched habits of thought.  The good news is: we can change our habits and thoughts,  The downside of recognizing that attitudes and feelings are no more than habits is that changing our habits and thought patterns  is hard work and takes time.  A long time.  As Paul Myer said,

Good and evil

 I’ve had an excellent companion these past few nights when sleep eluded me.  Lousie Penny’s latest novel, The World of Curiosities.  I am so grateful I am still able to read, as books have been my companion since first learning to read.  When I am down,  a feel-good book can help me rediscover the beauty

Faith

 Perhaps it’s because we are approaching the shortest day of the year, but the evenings seem excessively long and lonely.  While I am discovering many advantages to living alone, the house sometimes feels achingly empty.  I miss him.  God, but I miss him.  However,  instead of focusing on what’s no more, I am determined to

Little Things

Sun streaming through the bedroom window called me awake this morning. Not ready to get up, I snuggled deeper into my bed and began listing all the little things welcoming me into this new day.  The feel of crisp clean sheets.  Sunshine.  A warm bedroom.  Being able to wiggle my toes.  The luxury of rolling

Stories

I’ve been reading Erica Bauermeister’s delightful book, The Lost Art of Mixing.   It’s not the greatest piece of literature ever written.  The storyline is simple and uncomplicated, but her use of language and word pictures are heartwarming and vivid.  The Lost Art of Mixing is one of those books that leaves you feeling hopeful about the future and

Step 11 and Gratitude

The older I get, the more grateful I become.  The other night our little CoDa group worked on the 11th step.  “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for God’s will for our lives and the courage to carry that out.”   When I

STILL PONDERING

I’m still pondering the who or whose “I am” question.   Descartes said, “I think, therefore, I am.”  I have no idea what that means. To be truthful, I can drive myself nuts asking questions such as, “who am I?” There are many ways to describe myself.  I am female.  I am a widow.   

IT’S THAT GRATITUDE THING AGAIN

Mary Davis has a simple formula for dynamic living.  “Shine brightly.  See beauty.  Speak kindly.  Create joyfully.  Live thankfully.”  If there ever was a time when there are good reasons for unhappiness and despair, it is now.  Yet, precisely because these are challenging times, it is vitally important we implement Mary Davis’s suggestions.  Negative thinking

World Soul

John 1 opens with, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  Through him were all things made that were made, and the Word was the source of life, and this source brought light to all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness

Success and Gratitude

At our CoDa meeting, last night,  we talked about the 10th step.  That’s the step in which we take time each day to review our successes and our failures.  Unfortunately, most of us have been programmed to focus on our failures rather than our successes.  We’ve learned how to blame and shame ourselves when we

Tempting or Temptation

  There’s a phrase  in the familiar version of the Lord’s Prayer that troubles me:  “And lead us not into temptation.”  How or why would a loving God deliberately lead us into temptation?   It simply doesn’t make sense.  In fact, the more I delve into theology and religious literature and the answers we humans have

Consequences

I have this intense urge to go upstairs and hide in my sewing room.  It’s a dreary day, following a series of dreary days, and my get up and go never got up with me this morning.   I’ve been feeling this way since our discussion on crime and punishment at church yesterday.  I’m bothered by

Step Nine

I have never met a person who hasn’t hurt or disappointed me.  In the same way, I have never met anyone I can’t love, if I really try.  Granted, there are people  I don’t like, but liking is different from loving.  Loving is about respecting another’s right to live a full and rewarding life.  There

Boredom

Some mornings I wake up with an idea already percolating.  Sometimes my morning walks bring things into focus.  Sometimes  I just sit and stare into space.  That was this morning.  As I stared out the window, I reached for one of my collections of sayings and read, “Writing is like driving a car at night. 

The power of music

Most mornings my friend and I walk the streets of Fairfield, waking our sleepy bodies by walking to great conversation.   Yesterday we both attended the fall performance of the Gettysburg Chamber Orchestra.  It was an emotional experience for both of us.  For me, the tribute to 9/11 brought memories of bodies jumping from those burning

Perception and perspective

Last evening my granddaughter showed me a collection of  photographs she’d taken.  I was blown away.  As we scrolled through her various collections of trees, marshes, water, and ocean sunrises, she’d often comment, ‘this one’s no good.  It’s blurry,’ or  “the light’s not right in this one.  It almost hides that tree”  or “this didn’t

Becoming more aware

Earlier this morning my neighbor, who was walking his dog,  stopped to chat.  He reported reading an article in the New York Times about the correlation of dogs with  depression and dementia and exercise.  Once we had exhausted that topic we explored that topic of plants.  “You know plants have feelings,” he said.  “Scientists are

Or not to be

I’ve been missing him more lately. Perhaps it comes from visiting family and scattering some of his ashes at  the foot of his parents’ gravestone. Perhaps it’s the letdown following a very positive family gathering. Perhaps it was celebrating his birthday with the children and grandchildren by each eating a bowl of coffee ice cream (his

On Eagles’ Wings

It’s been six months since he died.  It’s time to move on, to pull myself up by my invisible bootstraps.  Time to make a new bucket list, to embrace my new reality; do my best to make the most of each and every day.  Years ago one of my counselors asked me, “What would you

Worry

Worrying has never solved anything or helped anyone succeed in life. Being concerned is different than worrying. Being concerned acknowledges there are needs and issues to be rationally addressed. Worrying, on the other hand, is like having a gerbil wheel running nonstop in one’s head. It’s worry that robs us of our sleep and keeps

Gratitude

Gratitude is everything.  Without gratitude life has little meaning.  Without gratitude we are less than we were created to be.  Gratitude allows us to see with new eyes, to hear with new ears, and to perceive with new understanding.  Gratitude is loving with abandon and joy.    Gratitude inspires us to stop and thank the

This is the day the Lord hath made

I’ve been warned that anniversaries are difficult times following a loved one’s death., so I woke up promising myself that I will not feel sorry for myself today.  Instead I will celebrate this day in as many ways as I can by focusing on being grateful –  not just for what was, but for what

An attitude of gratitude

 I think it was Charles Swindoll who said, “ Your success or failure in life will not be determined by the number of setbacks you encounter, but rather how you react to them.” The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change

Attitude

Attitude, it’s been said, makes a big difference in life’s outcomes.   No matter how difficult or easy the situations and people with whom we are dealing, our attitude will be a determining factor in what happens and how we react.  One of my favorite Native American folk tales is the one in which a

The Golden Rule

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I grew up believing that I, as a good little Mennonite girl,  should always put others first.  My role in life, I believed,  was to be compliant and attentive to others, to adopt the servant role in all I do, and to always put others first,

Do no harm

The question, “what is my purpose?” has been rattling around in my head since my spouse  died.  This morning, while walking several buckets of weeds and table scraps to my neighbors compost pile, an idea popped into my mind.  “What if my purpose in life is simply to do no harm?  What if it is

Golden Years

As I look back over this past year and the final days with my husband, I have a new appreciation for the phrase “Golden Years.”  I think I’ve always thought one’s golden years were more about financial security and being free to come and go, relax, travel, read, volunteer, etc.  Yet, after this weekend I

Step One Again? Step One Again?

It’s been three months since he died and my friends and family are starting to worry about me.  Shouldn’t I be snapping out of this malaise? Why my lack of interest in things I had formerly cared about? In the past, I’ve been able to talk myself out of self pity and resentment when things veered off

Our Great God Guns

If I hear one more person call for more thoughts and prayers in response to gun violence, I think I’ll scream. Thoughts and prayers are worse than meaningless, especially when they are intended to substitute for corrective action.   Nor is God going to step in and save us from ourselves.  God, you see,  has this

Step Five

Step Five is the step where  you share your story with someone you trust.   In many ways Step Five is the freedom step.  This is “swallow your pride and walk into the light of truth and honesty step.” It’s human nature to try to hide things about ourselves. We’ve all done things for which

Accepting the Process

Blogging eluded me yesterday.   I simply didn’t have the energy or will power to develop a coherent theme.  At this stage of life, blogging has become an important way of helping me reinforce the tools I need to get through my days.  It also makes a good vehicle with which to share my 12

Kite Strings

I’ve been experiencing blogger’s block.  For the past few days each time I sit down to write, pray, or meditate all I experience is emptiness, an emotional and spiritual void. So I fiddle with this and mess with that, hoping something will emerge from waiting.  It’s not that I’m unhappy.  In fact, the days are

Self Care

A new concern emerges now that I am alone…I could easily become absorbed in me.  My grief. My sadness. My concerns.   My feelings.  As each day passes I’m becoming more aware of how easily I could slip into self pity.  I started attending 12 step meetings many years ago because our teens had gotten caught

Basic Questions

Since he died, I find myself asking the same question each morning when I awake. “What’s the point of getting up?  Where do I now find my meaning and purpose in life?”  Up until now I was the wind beneath his wings as he was mine.  Now that he is gone, I am faced with