Disagreeing in love

I woke earlier than usual this morning, treating myself to breakfast with a book on the patio before taking my walk.  By the time I got back from walking, it was hot, but my walk was saved by a delicious breeze; I’ll be inside for the rest of the day as there is a heat advisory flashing on our phones. 

I had a negative comment from one of my recent posts.  My first reaction was to respond, but then I realized that he is as entitled to his opinions as I am to mine.  What makes me sad is that it is becoming harder and harder to talk about difficult things with most people and to disagree with kindness and respect.

I just finished Jane Green’s Falling.  It’s one of those feel-good summer reads with an underlying emphasis on the importance of kindness.  How kindness is the essence of all good relationships, especially marriage.  As any of us who have been married for years have discovered, the intense love that brings two people together eventually moves from passion to one of comfort, a desire to please our partner, a sense of safety, and, yes, gratitude and kindness. The kindness of attention, of being sensitive to the other, listening rather than ignoring.  When we are listened to we no longer feel invisible, taken for granted,  And what is kindness but allowing the other to be who they are, to have their own likes and dislikes without making the other feel less than?

What we need in our current political climate is more kindness.  Caring enough about the other to actually listen, but kindness goes the extra mile of continuing to respect and value the other when we disagree.  There is nothing wrong with trying to change another’s opinions or attitudes, but we need to do it without judgment and shaming.

Writing this reminds me of a program I heard on NPR about this young man who had been very active in a Neo-Nazi organization.  While in college, he met another student who was Jewish.  Over time, this Jewish student made a point of friending this rather obnoxious young man, eventually inviting him to Sabbath meals and high holidays.  In time, the Jewish student’s quiet acceptance of who this young man was and his ability to talk to him about racism and prejudice without judgment or shame eventually changed this young man’s life.

Some days it feels as if we simply don’t have time to be kind to those with whom we disagree.  It seems as if the issues are too great and we get caught up in the desire to exert control, to exert power to make things go the way we want them.  But then I am reminded of Jesus, who was not afraid to call out those with whom he disagreed, even though he was willing to heal their sickness and invite himself to dinner in their homes.

I hope my reader has calmed down a bit and knows that I do not hate nor reject him.  I disagree politically, but he is still my neighbor in the best sense of the word.  I am glad he contacted me because now he is no longer invisible to me and has become one of my teachers.  He reminds me to seriously take  Jesus’ advice to “love one another as I have loved you.”