One of the basic teachings of the 12-step program relates to denial and letting go. If we are to change, we have to let go of the beliefs that have undergirded our lives and held us back. For the alcoholic, the belief that alcohol will make them feel better and solve all of their problems is an example. By using alcohol, they simply become addicted and unable to function without it, all the while their problems grow bigger and bigger.
The belief that whites are superior to those of other races is another example of how our biases and beliefs actually work against us, for the more others have, the safer we become. Or the belief that wealth and power are necessary for true happiness when the opposite is true. The more we have, the more we fear losing it and put undue energy into protecting our often ill-gotten gains. As Jesus observed, we have to lose our life in order to save it. The old ways have to go if we are to experience hope, resilience, and freedom.
We all have beliefs that shape our lives. Hard work pays off. Wealth is the measure of success. Prosperity is proof that God loves us. Cleanliness is Godliness. Power is to be desired. I am a victim of others’ abuse and am helpless to change. I need to hate others in order to feel superior. Being religious will gain me access to heaven. America is exceptional and better than any other nation. Violence is justified. And so it goes. But like the alcoholic, we have to let go of these mistaken beliefs if we are to flourish. We have to stop hiding behind our denials, which we use to justify our brokenness.
The problem is that so many of our beliefs are so hidden or incorporated into our social framework that we don’t really recognize them as lies. This is where the concept of hitting bottom comes in. We may find ourselves in situations where all of our usual ways of responding don’t work anymore, and we are forced to re-examine our beliefs and assumptions. We not only have to learn new ways of thinking and being, but we also have to unlearn all of the ways we have bought into the many lies of society. For instance, success is actually determined by how much money one has. Success is being sober and an active member of AA, where one gets to help others gain sobriety. How much money one has does not influence one’s place in the AA community. One’s integrity and willingness to put themselves out for the well-being of others does. And this same principle applies to all of us. The more we give, the more we have.
How many of us have ruined our lives by carrying long-held resentments against someone? Hanging onto resentments is like pouring a cup of poison for our so-called enemy and drinking it ourselves. The only person we hurt is ourselves. Denial and resentment go together. But the best way to react to a cutting remark or a hurt of some kind is the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” We don’t need to hang on to our fears and resentments as a form of self-protection. We simply need to move on in life by focusing on our own growth.
Jesus said something about letting go of our hang-ups and denials. He said that one doesn’t put new wine into old wineskins, as the old will spoil the new. Instead, one needs to put the new wine into new wineskins. In other words, we can go to counselors, AA meetings, church, etc., but if we cling to our old ways of thinking, it is all for naught. We have to let go of the old and let God create a new thing within us.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.