“Who taught you to rest?” One of my mentor Yoga teachers asked the class this question during a Yoga Nidra* training I attended this past year and I, along with the majority of my peers, found myself in pause.
No one. No one taught me to rest. No one taught any of us to rest.
Of course- I am comforted by memories of being rocked to sleep as a child, and as an adult I have certainly learned the importance of healthy sleep- having lived much of my adult life in a sleep deficit has taught me the value of prioritizing getting enough sleep… but recently I’m noticing that, more often than not, sleep doesn’t feel fully available, even when I get into bed at the end of a full day, fully exhausted. And I’m reminded as I lie awake at night, that while sleep is critically important…aren’t sleep and rest two very different things? Perhaps my body, mind and heart are not finding alignment in sleep when I have decided it is time because I have not intentionally practiced rest for these parts of myself throughout the day. So instead, they continue to do what they have learned (and practiced) doing all day long.
My mind is busy because it has been practicing toggling between tasks.
My heart is churning with lingering emotion because it has done a whole lot of feeling, empathizing and compassionate caring today.
My body and all its intelligent systems are still processing and moving internally, despite my desire to flip the switch and move toward stillness and sleep.
On nights like these… I am reminded that my body, mind and heart have not learned how to rest today. I have not given them enough opportunity to practice slowing down.
In the opening of Pause, Rest, Be: Stillness Practices for Courage in Times of Change, Yoga teacher Octavia Raheem reflects on how she learned to rest through the practice of Restorative Yoga after years of working her body and mind into stress-induced illness. She shares that on her path of learning, that the teachings of Yoga sometimes imply that the practice must be led by a particular lineage, teacher or guru– that the “guru is the means.” However she shares that another interpretation might be the reverse: that the “means is the guru” or more simply put- the practice is the teacher.
As the natural world begins to slow and transition toward a season of rest and renewal, our culture has, in contrast, conditioned us into a whirlwind of deeper productivity and overcommitment, especially as we move toward the holiday season.
Recently a yogi friend shared that they have an easier time prioritizing more active wellness practices because they feel more productive and like it is “doing something” for yourself. However- this was after feeling the real benefit of a luxurious 75 minute Restorative Yoga class, and she shared with great inquiry- “How do I make myself prioritize this?? I know I need it just as much, if not more than any of my other self-care practices! But my other things on the to-do list always seem to come first.”
I find more and more often, as I share and listen to others around this topic, that we as a collective community have not learned this lesson… that meaningful rest is essential for meaningful growth, connection and renewal.
So I’ll do my best to answer this question from within the context of my own ever-evolving learning- not only as a way of responding to this collective need, but also to further reflect on my own personal practices. How do I make meaningful rest a priority, when so much of our cultural environment is teaching us to turn away from it?
My first response, as is so often the undeniable truth, is to turn toward the natural world as a model and teacher. Mother Nature offers an abundance of lessons in the importance of rest cycles- wild animals storing up nourishment and creating cozy nests in preparation for a season of hibernation, agricultural fields being turned over to grow wild flowers after a season of productivity, and beautiful autumn leaves falling to the forest bed- returning to the soil to break down and replenish necessary nutrients during this season of dormancy. Step outside and simply notice these rhythms. Could we begin to absorb the essence of the season by pausing to take in a full, cleansing breath of Autumn air?
Coming back to the question of prioritization- I think perhaps we also have a specific idea of what rest should look like. When we fall into our productivity-aligned nature of creating check lists and habit trackers to take care of ourselves, we also fall into the habit of using the word “should.” I should get more sleep. I should take more screen breaks. I should find time for meditation. “Shoulding all over ourselves” as another favorite teacher of mine likes to say. And when all of these things feel unavailable in our schedules and extensive lists of priorities, then we’re back to square one- rest isn’t a realistic option. But just as wellness is not a one-size-fits-all practice, our rest practice doesn’t have to look a particular way. In reality- rest can (and should) be as uniquely designed and special as the practitioner if it is to meet the individual needs of the season (and here I speak to not only the season of the natural world, but also the season of life an individual is navigating).
And so, being the good, productivity-aligned student that I am- if I’m reading this article, I’m still thinking about how to create a system, a discipline that’s going to “work” for me. What I’ve realized though, is that despite my career in education and wellness, and my undeniably type A personality, I’m not at my core a very disciplined person. And the more I study human nature, I’m not sure any of us are. I believe that, as humans, we thrive on rhythm rather than rigid routine. Caring for self and others through ritual is at our ancestral core. So what’s the difference between routine and ritual?
A ritual is something we do in celebration, because it matters deeply to us.
Something that is done without obligation. But rather with devotion.
Something we do in community or within purposeful solitude.
If the word ritual rubs you the wrong way when applied to wellness practice, maybe get curious about that. We live in a world and a human history infused with ritual. But somehow making rest a ritual feels counter-cultural. How do we make the rest we so desperately need feel accessible and prioritized within our modern lives? To me, the answer is to create a meaningful ritual around it. But still the question begs to be asked…where do we begin?? And how does this look differently than formulating a routine?
In a recent interview discussing her new book Living Ritual, one of my favorite Yoga Nidra teachers, Tracee Stanley was asked how to turn away from clinging to our rigid routines and habit tracking tendencies and toward a ritual of rest mindset. She paused and then put it simply:
“Take the discipline out of it. Pour the love in.”
So if you were aligning your rest to this profoundly simple practice of “pouring the love in”- what might that look like as we invite ourselves to soften more fully into the season of fall?
This season, I’d love to invite you to explore this idea along with me- how might you transform your practice of rest into a ritual, a devotion to self care?
Here are a few of my favorite rituals of rest. Some might surprise you, as they don’t look or sound a whole lot like rest. (Nope-napping isn’t on my list.) But remember, part of practicing rest is intentionally questioning what it is that we are resting from. Take the discipline out. Pour the love in, friends.
- Morning light – Yep, it’s as simple as it sounds. Get your face in some sunlight first thing in the morning. Preferably with your favorite warm beverage in hand 🙂
- Mindful walking – I love this practice, but extended time for slow, mindful walking feels out of reach in my normal action-packed mom life. So I’ve created a ritual of mindfully walking every morning from the bus stop drop-off back to my front door. It’s 5 minutes, but it’s 5 minutes that I am paying attention to the birds, the clouds, the sunlight, the temperature of the air, and the colors of the season instead of thinking about my to-do list. It’s 5 minutes of a beautiful grounding sensory experience I cherish each day.
- Social walking – As much as I love a quiet, mindful walk, connecting with a good friend while moving our bodies out in the fresh air, especially this time of year, is one of my favorite rest breaks during the day (Yes! Active rest is a thing!) It gets me away from my screen, connecting with another human and with the abundance of Mother Nature. Creating a weekly schedule around this type of connection, and actively noticing the shifts of the season as you walk similar paths each week- the gift of your attention makes it ritual.
- Free Journaling – Take a rest from the idea that you must write in coherent sentences or even complete sentences at all! My journaling practice is to start my day by writing down 3-5 things that most freely come to mind that I appreciate in that moment (usually while soaking up some morning light and a cup of coffee.) I consider this a rest practice because it invites me to pause and simply be with a mindset of gratitude before jumping into my work for the day.
- Intention setting – This practice is sometimes built into my journaling and often integrated in my Yoga practice. An intention is different from a goal because it is set in the present moment rather than a future outcome. They are words that ground us in the now, helping to slow our roll when our mind does what it does, racing toward the future or spiraling into “what ifs.” For example, my intention with this article is- I am learning and practicing how to rest. I am open and present to new possibilities.
- Mindful eating – How often do you find yourself eating your breakfast or lunch mindlessly while powering away at your desk, work station or to-do list? Close the lap top. Put away the phone. Turn away from the work. Focus only on the act of nourishing yourself.
- Resting in the breath – Different from “breath work”- simply close your eyes and notice the natural rhythm of the breath without trying to shape, deepen or modify. Give yourself permission to pay attention to whatever feels supportive and easeful- the soft expansion on the inhale, the grounding release of the exhale, or maybe the familiar involuntary rhythm itself. One minute of this rest practice can be a helpful recharge that you have access to at any time throughout your day.
- Returning to the same favorite books – Instead of feeling like I always have to learn or absorb something new in my choice of reading, I’ve taken up the practice of returning to small nuggets of literature that I have loved before. There are certain books that I associate with each season that I always come back to- not to binge or speed read- I rarely re-read the entire text in fact. But rather- I open up to a random page and take it in slowly. [as the Winter season approaches, I have already taken out a seasonal favorite- Katherine May’s Wintering: the Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times]
- Creative expression (without any purpose other than enjoyment of the process) – I don’t consider myself an artist, but when I offer myself the spaciousness to sit with a blank page and a set of watercolors, without even an idea of what the end goal is, this feels uniquely nourishing and restful for the thinking mind. I watch in awe of the way the colors move and blend on the page and offer myself a generous pause in between adding each layer to consider what next stroke of the brush would be most delightful. (Magic water canvases are a great mindful practice as well!)
- Dancing and singing (in the kitchen with my children as we make dinner) – Yes, I call this a rest practice too, a rest for my nervous system. A recharge in connection. I know that by this time in the evening my system is on high alert and overwhelmed- but leaving the room to lie down and close the door isn’t really an option. We all have to eat. So what can I do when a task is required but I need my nervous system to chill out? Music is soothing for the soul. Singing with my children creates an opportunity for co-regulating connection rather than crankiness and conflict caused by end-of-day exhaustion. So we consciously shift the tune. Doing this every night (or as often as we can) creates a rhythm of ease that lulls us toward the end of the day.
- Washing hands – Yes, this one’s simple. Sometimes a thing we do 20 times a day without thinking can be turned into a more intentional rest practice. Instead of habitually washing hands without giving it any thought, try pausing to give your full attention to the soothing warmth of the water, the sensation of rubbing your hands together, maybe even offering yourself a gentle massage at the base of the thumbs. Notice your breath. Transform your habit into a ritual by seeing it as an act of cleansing more than just your hands, perhaps noticing what’s on your mind or heart. Is there something you’d like to allow to wash away, such as a particular weight or tension you’re carrying with you, before moving into the next part of your day.
- Preparing tea before bedtime– I have some favorite blends of cozy calm teas to offer myself warmth from the inside out starting about an hour before bedtime. Add on the warmth of a soft blanket or sweater and the glow of some soft light prepares the body and mind for rest. Practice allowing yourself to be fully absorbed in the process and present to this warmth – giving your hands something to do slowly and intentionally, like preparing a pot of tea or holding a warm mug with both hands- frees you from the need to cling to something else (like a phone or TV remote.)
- Setting up for sleep at night with a Restorative yoga posture – In Restorative Yoga, the body rests in alignment with a deep attention and care placed in supporting every part of the physical body with something soft and steady to welcome in a sense of grounding and nourishing comfort. It’s a dynamic practice, but it’s also fairly simple- place deliberate intention in how you set your body up most comfortably for sleep.
- Yoga Nidra – *Yoga Nidra is an ancient rest practice, overwhelmingly affirmed by modern neuroscience to enhance sleep, brain health, digestion, healing, immunity, and nervous system regulation. Think of it as a reclined sleepy meditation that intentionally guides the practitioner to a blissful state beneath the surface of wakefulness- the layers of the Self (called the Koshas) are guided into rest intentionally one at a time, leaving the practitioner resting within their inner most sanctuary. Brain scans demonstrate that practitioners are moved into Delta wave state, our “deep sleep” mode, even while remaining wakeful and aware of the body and mind resting. Recordings can be found online ranging from 15 minutes to over an hour. I particularly enjoy expert teachers such as Indu Arora and Tracee Stanley. Rise Yoga also offers seasonal Yoga Nidra practices in the studio. It is said that one hour of Yoga Nidra can be experienced as the equivalent of 4 hours of sleep in terms of restorative benefit for the body and mind. I prefer a 20-30 minute Yoga Nidra in the early afternoon in place of a nap, and a 30-60 minute Yoga Nidra practice at night before bed time to prepare my mind and body for deep, restorative sleep.
It doesn’t need to be all of this every day- remember, the whole idea is to move away from the notion that we should be checking off a list of to-dos. However, which of these practices resonate and align most authentically with the invitation to “pour the love in.” Having a full repertoire of rest rituals that you can sprinkle in throughout the day offer meaningful opportunities for the body, mind and heart to practice slowing down, even within the truth of life’s inevitable and persistent churning forward. And what we practice regularly, with loving devotion, grows stronger.
The Autumn season beautifully demonstrates for us that rest is essential for meaningful growth and renewal. How might an embodiment of this season through a devoted ritual of self care change our relationship to rest? I’d love to hear how you are practicing rest this season.
