It’s been six months since he died. It’s time to move on, to pull myself up by my invisible bootstraps. Time to make a new bucket list, to embrace my new reality; do my best to make the most of each and every day. Years ago one of my counselors asked me, “What would you do if there were no limitations or restrictions placed on you? Money, family, education, location, gender, race, etc. were not an issue?” I couldn’t answer her question then and I’m having difficulty now. It’s so much easier to find reasons for why not, than giving myself permission to at least try. Giving my imagination free reign stretches all of my daring to be different muscles. Making a bucket list forces me to confront my fears as it’s somehow easier to keep on doing the same old things than stretching my wings and learning to fly.
I am reminded of a meditation in which an eaglet asks the older eagle “How far can I fly? How high can I fly? How long can I fly?” to which the veteran eagle tells the youngster, “no one can tell you how high or far or long you can fly. You will have to determine that for yourself.”
Even though I am an “old” woman ( old being relative), I am also a baby eagle. I, too, am learning to fly. What do I want for my remaining days? How far do I want to go into the world? How can I make the best use of my remaining days? How can I bring joy and meaning to not just myself but to my family and friends? I resonate to the older eagle’s summation that no one else knows your potential or your passion. You alone can answer that. The only thing limiting you is the edge of your imagination”
Each day opens the door to new opportunities. Each ending brings new beginnings. Happiness doesn’t just happen. We are responsible for our own happiness since it is our perceptions that shape our reality, not the other way around. I am the one who’s saying to myself “I can’t.” I am the one who is creating barriers and limiting my possibilities. Looking ahead, I can see that the greatest danger facing me is permitting my seemingly urgent and everyday fears to crowd out what is truly important and possible.