In our church discussion on Sunday, we were reminded once again that before we can really help or support anyone else, we have to take care of ourselves. Since many of us grew up with the refrain of putting others first, we never really learned about self-care, what we can do or be without creating undo stress for ourselves or making ourselves sick. We never learned about the importance of creating realistic boundaries that both invite intimacy, but at the same time know when it is important to protect ourselves from emotional harm. When I think about self-care, I often find myself referring back to the Great Commandment that tells us to love God, neighbor, and ourselves. Too often we try to practice the first two but neglect the all-important third part of that trinity…loving self, for without valuing ourselves, we struggle mightily to do the other two.
Years ago, a loved one shared this affirmation with me that I have gone over the years.
“It is rewarding to find someone I like, but it is essential to like myself. It is reassuring to recognize that someone is a good and decent person, but it is essential that I see myself as acceptable and lovable.
It is delightful to discover people who are worthy of respect, trust, and love. But it is vital to believe myself deserving of those same things because I cannot live through someone else. I can never find myself or meaning for my life by living vicariously through another person.
Of all the people I will ever meet in my lifetime, I am the only one who can never leave nor abandon me. I will always be present to myself, thus to the questions of my life, I am the only answer. To the problems of my life, I am the only solution. With God’s help, I can become a whole and happy person.”